STELLA AWARDS
The 'Stella' awards are similar to the Darwin awards, inspired by the 1994 case
where a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old
Stella Liebeck who suffered severe burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after
spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself as she drove away from the
drive-thru window. The 'Stella' Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the
U.S.
Here they are for the last millenium (noting the millenium ended the last day of
December 2000, not the 1st):
The following cases illustrate clearly that with the right attorney, stupidity
can be quite profitable in the "land of the free":
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a
jury after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably shocked by the
verdict, considering the misbehaving little bastard was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car while he was
attempting to steal the hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house
he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr.Dickson found
himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he
found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the
tune of half a million dollars.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard. The award was
less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little
provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a
pellet gun.
5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke
her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at
her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner
of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to
the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton
was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the
$3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
7. And the winner is: Mr Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr
Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip
home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly
left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski
sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually
do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winniebago actually
changed their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are
any other complete morons buying their vehicles.)
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